"Kind of sick of this whole "my religion is better than yours" game, a.k.a. American Founding Fathers were actually Deists, not Christians. Look your sh*t up before you claim America was founded on Christianity and tell me that because the Bible says so-and-so that it should be a federal law. Two words. SECULAR SOCIETY. Get with the 21st century and stop shoving your dogma in everyone else's face. It is getting really annoying really fast."
I am really wondering what would happen if I had posted this in my Facebook. Not going to lie, it would have been pretty entertaining for the people I would be directing this at. As for any innocent by-standers...I put off enough people by being as weird as I am. I don't need to start coming off as obnoxious on top of it.
This, for some background, is due to one specific person who I thought was a good friend. Then his girlfriend cheated on him, he became pretty depressed, and then she said sorry. This led to the notion that she deserved a second chance (no cheater EVER deserves a second chance) and now he thinks he has to compensate for a shitty girlfriend by being a religious freak. How do you become a religious freak?
Ellie's Guide to Becoming a Religious Freak
Step One: pressure your close friends to go to church with you every single Sunday without fail, no excuse, and if they don't, guilt them by telling them that their "souls need saving". Even the atheist ones. ESPECIALLY the atheist ones. (FYI, I am Episcopalian, for the record, and he never asked me to go to church because...
Step Two: Upon realization that another friend (this is where I come in) has dabbled in other religions (Wicca), tell them that "my opinion of you went from here" *hand held up high* "to here." *hand held significantly lower* Friend gets pissed off and doesn't feel like being around you anymore, but, hey, she doesn't revere God in the exact. damn. way. you. do. And that is baaaaaaaaad. So she's telling all your friends, who think a little more highly of her more rational and ethical personality than yours, that you are being an asshole. No big deal! Your soul is guaranteed a spot in heaven from all that church-going and witch-shaming you've been doing. Good job, fella.
Step Three: Post ASININE BULLSHIT about how you are significantly better at being Christian than everyone else. This includes reposting videos about God's saving grace, memes about how despite that you will defend your (non-existent) gay friends in the face of bullying, you don't believe they deserve the right to marriage (reason #1 why they are non-existent), and by making yourself out to be a generally better human being than everyone else despite the fact that your friends are slowly, but surely pulling their support away from beneath you.
Here is where this kid, by following these steps, will end up: friendless, angry, and stuck with a cheating bitch of an not-ex-girlfriend (yes, bud - she's still cheating on your ass, and no talk about her cystic ovaries is going to make that fact go away). All this will happen if he doesn't pull his large, seriously inflamed head out of his ass. Your religion doesn't make you a better person. It is WHAT YOU DO and WHO YOU ARE that make or break your chances of leaving a good memory on this earth.
In a few days, I will have no choice but to bitch-slap this kid and tell him what a moron he is being. I cannot stand the condescending glances, the "holier than thou" attitude, and this idea that he is so much smarter than me because he is choosing to save his soul - he, however, doesn't believe in evolution, thinks the Earth is 6,000 years old, and because Leviticus says that homosexuality is a sin (by the way, so is cooking beef with cheese, according to that - how was that cheeseburger last week, huh? And that mixed fiber cloth you wear all the time - polyester AND cotton? Break out the stones and stick him in the sand! We got ourselves a real sinner!) How can he possibly think he is the smarter one?
There is a New Testament for a reason: one that teaches us that it does not matter as long as you follow these two simple rules that Jesus laid out for us.
1. Love God above all things.
2. Love thy neighbor as thyself.
The New Testament is a creed which all Christians should live by, and really, that is all they should be thinking of abiding by. Just because you are so caught up in your insecurities about how manly or unmanly you are doesn't require that you vilify that guy in class who wears eyeliner and makes doe eyes at the dreamy male TA. He has feelings and needs and dreams (some of being MARRIED and being equal to his fellow man) and fears too.
So before you get you panties in a twist, just remember that before you start shoving your goddamn dogma in my face, you had better prepare yourself for having it slammed right back down your throat and out your ass. America is as much a Christian nation as it is a Zoroastrian nation or a Buddhist nation or a Wiccan nation. It belongs to all of us - that is the whole idea of America, the melting pot of cultures. If we start getting up on our high horses and proclaiming ourselves as better than another simply because we are different, then something has gone terribly wrong in the scheme of things.
Final word: get your religion out of our politics, and maybe we can all settle our social rights war with a little less personal hatred in the mix. Capisce?
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