It strikes me that, though I often take the moral high ground when it comes to my interactions with other people, sometimes it is not within my rights to do so. In fact, it struck me harder than I had expected it would. So when my temper flared up, and my baser female need to smear a name in mud took over, I forgot that there was more involved than just me and an adversary. Fortunately, I never truly ever seek to ruin anyone, and I always rescind my flare-ups at some point - I am not quick to form grudges. But it's nice to have someone there to tell me off before I do any real damage, and there really has never been anyone that brave.
Yet I woke up this morning, blissfully unaware of what damage I might be causing, and that was when I received a reality check. My first response, of course, was indignation. How could it possibly be that I was in the wrong? It was all just so plainly black and white: I felt the impulse to stamp my foot and demand that I am always right. For me, however, rationale never takes long to follow, and within moments, I wretchedly had realized the error of my ways, and not without some fussing over. There is no doubt that I tearfully wracked my brain over how I had let myself get that far. I stuck my nose in someone else's business, and despite having been insulted myself, I needed to be the bigger person and let it go.
Patience has never been my strong suit, and I yearn to do justice on the world when those I love are wronged. Yet, some battles are not for me to fight, and I have a hard time accepting that because of my lacking patience and desire for results. I claim to believe in karma and that time will deliver the final judgement, but it's so hard for me to wait for it to happen. And as I act out of my impatience, I risk damaging not only myself but those I care for. And pride would demand that I not make reparations for my injuries, only allow for time to make up for what damage I'd done, the same time that I would have inflict penances on those who've wronged me and mine. I will admit, I am an extremely proud creature - I am Scottish by blood, for what that's worth. The concept of letting time heal is alluring, if only for the sake of keeping my vulnerable side safe from prying eyes.
Know this: no one ever hurt anyone by being humble. And that is my intent, to scrape away years of walls and fortitude to allow myself to be better, to be more deserving of the gifts I'm given, for there are so many. Time may allow me to see over these walls keeping me from being a normal human being. Be that as it may, time could probably use a little push.
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