For My Parents

The two people in the world who are not allowed to read this are getting a page devoted to them. My mom and my dad are two eccentric, smart-ass, perfectly devious people who have taken the last twenty-two years to make me the person I am today. Through everything I have been through, everything I'm about to go through, they have pushed and pulled my stubborn little ass through hell and back to make me stronger. I am who I am because they loved me.

I went home tonight, sat down on the kitchen floor, and started crying. It's something I do a lot now, because of what's about to happen in the next few weeks. I'm leaving home. I'm doing what none of my sisters or cousins have done. I'm flying the nest. And despite my mother's laughing pleas to make me stay forever, they have gone above and beyond to make this next step in my life possible. I won't forget that. And neither will I forget the fact that, despite the fact that fifty percent of their peers have gone through divorce (one set of my godparents included), they have stayed together. They stayed a team through my terrible twos, my dorky pubescence, my raging adolescence, and even now as I set sail to my independence.

Anyways, so as I'm sitting in the middle of the floor, my mother comes up to me, and instead of any other mother who would ask if I was okay and rub me on the back, she laughed at me and likened my appearance to that of Piglet for how pathetic I looked. Then she sat down next to me and asked me "Can I get you anything? We've got plenty of beverage..." Beverage meaning alcohol of the distilled variety. I, of course, laughed ruefully. Alcohol isn't going to solve my problems. But then my dad joined in, and all of a sudden, I wasn't crying anymore. Granted, I was definitely whining for my dad to stop teasing me, but that is usually a given. The point is that I don't know what I would do without them. I really just don't know where I'd be if they weren't the people they are.

Momma, Da, if you ever read this blog (I'm praying for my dignity's sake that you won't) I love you. Thank you for everything you've taught me and everything that you have been to me.

The Fallacies of Being a Human in Love

It is incredible how much effort a human being can put into something when the chances of success are so slim. Are we gamblers by nature, or is it the pressure of a society that thrives on rooting for the underdog? the reason I ask is because right now, there are a lot of relationships around me going sour. There has been talk of separation, divorce, abuse, anger...and all out of people wanting to be loved. Where does it go wrong? And why, when we finally get the chance to be happy, does it have to get so complicated? Where is it that human error gains its foothold? And how is it that we let it take control? Where's the line?

I have never doubted that there is someone out there who is almost perfect for me. Honestly, no one is ever one hundred percent, but it has always been a given that I would find someone who makes me feel safe and warm and loved. But all this sadness...it gets to you. It brings you down. And it makes you wonder if it is all really worth the struggle.

I get that people have baggage. I have baggage. I have my issues, my insecurities, but I deal. I've learned to never project if I can help it. My problems are for me to resolve. Am I the only one who sees that our baggage is our own and no one else's? It is one thing to find some comfort that someone else is going through what we are, but to make it someone else's problem when it wasn't there to begin with...it causes an awful lot of unnecessary drama.

I wish, for all my friends out there who are going through this, that they can find some resolve, some peace, and maybe even some strength in themselves and in the people who love them. I can't imagine what it is like to love someone and have that love hurt them more than it it saves them. For that, I have nothing to write. No poem for my friends, but a song that, today, inspired me to be stronger. I've always prided myself on being that strong, impenetrable fortress. This song is about finding the strength to rise above the hurt that we deal each other.